


Flashes of You

by gracelessace



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: After the Fall, Beelzebub had vague visions of the future up until the antichrist is born, Belaris and Beelzebub are the same person, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Ineffable Bureaucracy Episode 3 pov, Memory Loss, Multi, Nonbinary, Retelling, Unnamed Angel - Freeform, before the fall - Freeform, different point of view, third eye
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 16,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21548584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracelessace/pseuds/gracelessace
Summary: Belaris knew what was to become of heaven before the fall. It was a curse they lived with at the start of their creation, to know everything that would happen, heaven, hell, the earth. Their betrayal replayed over and over in their mind but they would not act to change the outcome.At least that was their plan until they finally met the archangel that had been destined to destroy their resolve. No vision could prepare them for how painful the Fall of Belaris and the Rise of Beelzebub would actually be.(In which you get the ineffable bureaucracy side of the story.)
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Raphael (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Dagon/Uriel (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur/Michael (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	1. An Epitome of Music

Heaven was vast in the beginning. It was open long before those walls had been put up during the more modern times. Of course there were still open and bright expanses, but before humanity it was just that. 

Breaking up the spaces there were gorgeous temples and fountains and all sorts of angelic spaces that seemed to be covered in an all encompassing glow. Even before humanity had life brought down there was a life that grew in Heaven. 

It had been part of Heaven’s life that was given to Earth in the first place. So they were well aware of flowers and water and all of the natural beauty because this was where it had started. Of course here it was more celestial, more changing. There was no death here so the nature conformed to different rules. 

Yet despite all the beauty that was Heaven, In Gabriel’s opinion nothing was more beautiful than Belaris. 

Maybe it was wrong for an angel to think such a thing. Even so it was obvious that angels, while they held love for all of their celestial brothers and sisters, some were drawn to a specific few that they held close. As far as he knew God had no problems with this as long as at the end of it they all still loved each other. 

Or at least that’s what She’d have them believe… 

Belaris was so different from the other angels. Whether it be by looks or demeanor, Gabriel could find no other comparison. 

It was clear most angels thought the same of them. Belaris was a Cherubim after all, one of the most striking types of angels in Heaven. How could they not be with the way their skin seemed to glow in an almost bluish haze that even Gabriel couldn’t quite understand. 

Though they had four faces, they only showed one most often, but he could very well say he loved them all for different reasons. Their preferred face held that same blue but was smattered in gold marks almost at random that sunk slightly deeper than the rest of their skin. 

Amongst the gold were the clearest blue eyes that held more emotion than any of the red eyes crawling down their neck like jewels. Yet even so he found himself mesmerized with those as well. 

When you saw them guarding Her temple it was hard to look away, and even harder when they started to sing. Their voice rang so high yet so deep at times that even from a distance he felt tremors.

Their entire being seemed to change his reality.

Being stationed below them he had assumed his affections were one sided, especially at the beginning. He was only able to bring himself to look at Belaris from afar or when they were too busy singing to notice him. 

But then God gave him a mission to bring Her newest instrument to the temple to be guarded. It was a golden harp far more gold and harmonious than anything yet possessed in Heaven. It was to be a symbol as the epitome for all music. 

He was overjoyed to be given the task, as Belaris would surely be pleased to see something so magnificent. Gabriel wished he knew anything about music or harps but it wasn’t his strong suit. God made him a pillar of Heaven, he knew he wasn’t meant to be extravagant. 

Regardless he couldn’t be more pleased to have an excuse to address them, even if it was just a simple task. Part of him hoped that once they met personally with each other then he could push these affections aside. Another part knew there was no way that would happen. 

When he got to the temple Belaris was at their station, but sadly they weren’t alone. There was another angel with them, dancing around, her obscenely long golden hair blowing around their frames. The Cherubim seemed amused at the other angel’s antics, and Gabriel felt like he was intruding. 

They weren’t being intimate, but it was clear this was an angel that had a comfortable relationship with Belaris. When the blonde fell over he could hear their sharp laugh ring out. Gabriel wanted to listen to that sound over and over. 

Before he could leave and come back later, they locked eyes as Belaris bent down to help the other angel up. Their stare was intense and pure. He couldn’t bring himself to turn away so he just stared back, unsure of himself for the first time in… well ever. 

They waved him over, as if this wasn’t the first time they had met officially, and he was someone they knew very well. The action comforted him immediately. 

As he got closer the eyes that covered their neck and ran down their collarbone opened up all at once. The red beads were more than startling, but he tried not to stare. Would they think it rude to admire them? He had always wanted to see them up close. 

“Leave us Dahlia, I have some business to attend,” they said to the girl who was busy arranging her massive locks. 

She gave Gabriel a look, before opening up two sets of wings and flying off in another direction. It was impressive to watch Belaris command another angel even if it was a simple request. Cherubim were meant to be respected even if they engaged in frivolous behaviors.

“So it’s you who’s meant to visit me today?” 

The question confused him, it was as if Belaris knew something he didn’t. It would make sense if they did, they outranked him and higher standing angels had different abilities. Perhaps cherubims were more perceptive? 

“Did the almighty tell you I was coming?” he asked. 

Belaris’s face dropped a bit at the question. 

“No.” 

This wasn’t going as well as he had hoped. Gabriel didn’t think he’d be intimidated by the other angel because of his resolve and height advantage, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

He hadn’t said but a sentence, and he already got it all wrong. 

But then a hand was on his, and he was stunned for a moment as Belaris leaned into his space to get a look at the harp covered in his arms. 

That’s right, he still had this mission to carry out, it didn’t matter that they screwed up something in the beginning. He could still interest them with this. 

“What has the Almighty made us this time?” 

The question seemed to be rhetorical, but he answered anyways because it was his nature. 

“An instrument!” 

His voice came out louder than he intended, but before he could cringe he was met with two very curious blue eyes. Their face was tilted right below his and he felt he too could fall over like the girl before him. It was no wonder so many were charmed by the cherubim when their very nature could fluter you. 

Imagine if they were actually trying…

They smiled at him, scattered eyes opening wider, “You seem quite excited. Do you like music, Gabriel?” 

“I do-- How?” 

“Let’s take this inside and have a look,” they ignored his question, easily scooping the harp from under him.

It only took them one arm to carry it, but Gabriel had to lift it with two. Despite their small frame Belaris didn’t seem strained with the harp’s weight in the slightest. 

Dumbfounded he followed them into the grand temple, careful not to step on the iridescent trail of robes behind them. The cloth cut low, giving him a full view of their back and the six knobs that lined their spine in pairs. Their wings were retracted, but the absence was still a sight.

A stone rose up to meet them in the middle of the room to which Belaris sat the covered harp down. 

“You brought it here, would you like to do the honors?” they asked, gesturing towards the instrument. 

It was a big deal to be the one to uncover one of the Lord’s gifts in a sacred temple. He was not fit to unveil something like this, but the other angel’s eyes were very insistent. Gabriel didn’t want to reject their kindness. 

“If you’re sure…”

They swept around the stone to stand next to him, as if that was a better vantage point. He tried not to stiffen as they pressed ever so casually against his side. It was common for angels to embrace each other without reason or stand too close, but Gabriel had never been the type. 

Yet with Belaris he didn’t mind. 

One of their four arms looped around his, “Please.” 

Their voice was calm, but he could feel them buzzing with excitement. To be the first two angels to lay eyes on the epitome of music… it was a thrilling thing. 

Gently he unwrapped the gold cloth, careful not to snap a string or dent anything.

The instrument itself was beautifully made shining in the brightest gold he had ever seen. The side of the harp was covered in floral details, while the silver strings were modest and sturdy. It was something meant to be worship but also shared. 

At its reveal he felt a gust of wind behind them only to see all six of Belaris’s wings had come out. Each shining in white yet when they moved they cast a spectrum of colors and lights.

They were bending unnaturally to hover above the harp and admire its beauty, but Gabriel could care less about it. Looking at Belaris like this, the harp in comparison was dull and unworthy of their high praise. 

“Isn’t it gorgeous?” they asked, finally looking up at him, “You seem just as inraptured by Her creation.” 

“How could I be anything less.” 

They pushed his shoulder, “No reason to suck up, She’s not always listening you know.”

He laughed, “You’re the one who said it, not me.” 

That made them roll their eyes, but they didn’t seem upset. If anything it was the opposite. Gabriel could only be thankful that things had taken a turn for the better. 

Belaris brought their attention to the harp again. Stroking the handle, they plucked a few strings that sent out a heavenly melody. It was one he heard them sing before, and imagined how terrifying it might be to hear the two sing in harmony. 

Surely God meant for the cherubim to sing along to this harp? It was made to be seen, to be played, and who would sound lovelier than Belaris? 

“She really outdid Herself,” they commented, still stroking the harp, “I wonder what Morning Star will say when he sees this…” 

Gabriel blinked, “Lucifer? Would this interest him?” 

“Of course, he adores music, any kind of excitement really. I hope he plays this, I’d love to sing with such a perfect vessel-- That is the harp, I’ve never heard a sound like it until now.” 

Gabriel could only nod, too overcome by this idea come to life. He had hoped to hear their two voices together. If Lucifer was willing then it might just be the most awe inspiring sound anyone has ever heard. 

They moved to sit on the stone with the harp in two of their arms, while the remaining grasped his robes to pull him towards them. 

Before he could register the action, their hands had slid up his neck and into his hair. The air in the room seemed to change to something heavier, more intimate. He couldn’t look anywhere else but them, and enjoy the sparks that ran up his body at their touch. 

A hand came up to cover his eyes, and suddenly their voice was next to his ear, hushed like a whisper. 

“Listen..” 

The arms that held the harp started to play celestial sounds that echoed off the walls of the temple. Whatever they were playing complimented the trickles of the smaller fountains that surrounded the rooms, making him feel as if he was underwater or alone in a cave somewhere. 

Their hand had left his eyes, but he dared not open them. If this was some kind of task, he didn’t want to fail, but in the back of his mind he knew that was a ridiculous thought. 

At some point during the ballad Belaris’s hands had started stroking his hair, to the point where he wasn’t sure how long he had been there.. He couldn’t tell you when it started either, only that he didn’t want it to end. 

It was when he felt something foreign on his face that Gabriel finally opened his eyes to blurry pools of blue staring back, far too close. They had wiped away the few tears he had shed before he was even able to realize that’s what they were. Tears. He was crying. 

Belaris let out a haunting sigh that left him dizzy as hands moved back up to cradle the sides of his face. When his vision focus they had a weird expression. One could only describe it as sorrow, but he wasn’t quite sure what that was or what it meant. 

“I already knew I would be swayed, but it’s unfair really…” 

“What--” was the only thing Gabriel could manage to say. 

“You  _ are-- _ ” they paused, changing their thought, “....just as I imagined.” 

It seemed like Belaris knew something he didn’t. It felt like they were looking at him like they had seen him before, as if he was a memory. It scared him more than he liked to admit. 

Yet he found himself brave enough to ask on it. 

“How’s that?” 

But what they said would not bring him any peace of mind. 

_ “Beautiful.” _


	2. Visions Come to Life

“It’s worse than I ever could have imagined, Rapheal….” 

Belaris, as it was for now, was beside themselves. Just as expected the archangel had come, and just as expected they were completely ruined by the whole encounter. 

It was only a matter of time now. The knobs on their back ached at the thought, and they pushed the future to the back of their mind. 

“I’ve seen him before, I don’t see how a simple archangel could set you a  _ blaze _ ,” Raphael laughed, as he watered a celestial roses.

The two would come here often when they were relieved of their duties at the temple. It was nice to talk to someone so like minded, but it was too often Belaris let things slip. Things not meant for even their ears. 

  
  


“You shouldn’t use words like that,” they warned. 

“Oh what are they forbidden? They haven’t even been made up yet.” 

Belaris just sighed, “Which is exactly why you should keep them to yourself.” 

“For now anyway.” 

Fire had been the big one, they muttered about it on a rather boring day. Raphael was listening to them rant outside the temple when they had mentioned burning… next thing they knew they were swearing the Virtue into an oath of secrecy. 

“So then, where is your other half?” they asked curiously. 

It was odd to see Raphael without the other. At the beginning they were made together, meant to stay together. Belaris could only wish them well, and curse the Almighty for Her cruelness to come later. 

“I believe he’s off with Micheal somewhere,” he shrugged, “I didn’t really ask, but I told him I’d be meeting you today.” 

“Sorry I missed him…” 

Rapheal gave them a knowing smile, “For now anyway.” 

He didn’t realize how much there was to come. Belaris had sought out a friendship with him for that reason. They realized it wouldn’t last in the end, but for now… well until  _ humanity.  _

That was a phrase her and Lucifer used quite often together in secret. No other angel could hear the word until it was time. 

“So then what’s so special about Gabriel? I can’t fathom an interesting thing about the fellow.” 

Belaris could only roll all their eyes at such a statement. Of course when one was made with a soulmate they couldn’t possibly understand those who had to wait for theirs. 

“I feel the same of Aziraphale, it isn’t something you’re meant to understand. It’s only for me,” they tried to explain, “What I mean is.. To me he is perfect.” 

“That might be the sappiest thing I’ve ever heard, and look where we are!” Rapheal swung his arms around as if to emphasize Heaven itself. 

“I didn’t mean to get attached, I had it all planned out you know.” 

The other angel didn’t seem convinced.

There was no sun yet and no one needed to sleep, but the shade could lull one into a nice nap. At times like these when there was too much in Belaris’s mind, they liked to lay in their wings secluded from those who would only ogle them and rest their eyes. 

Raphael’s maze always proved to be the perfect spot for such a need. Sometimes he joined them, other times he would stay awake and sing. It would be the casual kindness and the platonic caresses they would miss among their kind the most. 

Once they found their favorite corner of the rose covered walls, they cocooned themselves in all six wings, facing away towards the greenery. This time Raphale didn’t sleep nor sing, instead opting to hum something vague and groom Belaris’s iridescent feathers. It was clear he didn’t need to know everything in their mind, to see how distressed they were. 

Yes it would be moments like this they missed the most. 

  
  


\-----

  
  


“What a sound to be reckoned with!” 

Belaris could only beam as Lucifer held the harp, playing different tunes to test them out. He seemed overjoyed at the latest creation, flying through the air with his six wings open, fluttering to each song he tried. 

“My mind has to wonder how things can be so backwards, and yet this exists,” he continued, “With your voice imagine the sound! Its sure to attract even that of our Lord Herself.” 

They dangled their legs over the temples platform, “Is that meant to be a good thing?” 

Morning Star’s laugh was bright and bold as if he didn’t care what was good or bad. Probably because no one knew the difference yet. Even so, as their father, he would be next to draw lines of morality. 

To think angels thought they had the higher ground. 

Suddenly he was flying a foot away from them, golden eyes bright, silently laughing. 

“I know this face,” he said, “This is the face I see when you’re thinking about whats to come.” 

“Why do you say that?” 

“You look far away, farther than I can see.” 

His perception was good, but it was nothing compared to the ‘gift’ they were granted. Most of the time it felt like a curse. Thankfully it was a curse with an end, but a part of them knew there would be more after the end. It was hard to say. 

“There you go again!” Lucifer cried, going back to his harp. 

The sounds he played next were purposefully off key, but they still sounded brilliant. 

Belaris flinched, “Fine then. I’m in the here and now and I’m still unsatisfied.” 

“You say this as if you know what satisfies you, but hold yourself from it,” he pointed out, floating down to sit beside them. 

“You’re not wrong.” 

Lucifer didn’t have to ask if Gabriel had visited them, he had the harp so he knew the answer. He had known everything to come after Belaris sought him out, but with such knowledge he never looked down on them. 

They could only wonder if this would continue once things took a turn for the worse. 

“How bad is it?” he asked. 

Belaris knew once Gabriel let them into his space it was over, but they pretended to be aloof until they saw him cry. Even if his mind didn’t know what was to come, his body must have. His heart must know their tragedy. 

It broke them. 

He was to be the hero, conceited, and blind. Yet subconsciously he shed tears for them. It had nothing to do with the music or any celestial interference. They could feel it, his sadness, even if he didn’t know what it meant. 

To think Gabriel would be one of the first angels to feel sadness. Lucifer and Raphale had been the only other ones along with Belaris. That was only because they had knowledge of the future. 

Gabriel knew nothing, he didn’t even know them, but pulled emotion from the depths of his heart. 

It was beautiful. 

And to think Belaris almost didn’t tell him so. 

How bad was it then? Their soon to be new Lord had asked them so casually, as if to inquire about the weather that always stayed the same. 

How bad was it? 

“It’s ungodly.” 

  
  


\----------

  
  


Gabriel had yet to visit them, days didn’t exist so Belaris only knew it had been too long. Why he kept his distance, they didn’t know. He had to feel it, that they were soulmates. So why didn’t he spend every hour with them? 

Most every other angel wanted to, but he was the one who never turned up. 

Was he scared? Frightened of the feelings he left with after that first day? Did fear not excited him like it did Belaris? Who would ever know, if the man didn’t show up. 

While they were able to leave their post, it was an inconvenience. God let them do whatever they wanted as long as they manned their post most of the time. Then again nothing existed in Heaven but angels.

Who were they meant to keep out?

“Well when the time comes… us,” they said to themselves. 

Dahlia was sitting in front of them as they absentmindedly put the flowers she had collected in her hair. She was another angel that would share their fate, so Belaris kept her close. She was loyal and so grand in character. They almost wished she would stay up here when things finally came to pass, but they would need her in the future. 

“Whatever do you mean? Time?” the girl asked. 

“Nothing for you to worry about my dear.” 

The two of them sat in silence, as they continued their work in Dahlia’s golden locks. It was something to take their mind off a certain someone, or rather the absence of in their case. 

She knew them too well to stay quiet though. Normally when they were together like this Belaris would sing for her, but they didn’t have the heart for it today. 

“I can tell you aren’t in your usual spirits, Belaris. If you don’t mind me saying.” 

They ran fingers through her hair, grazing her scalp as an attempt to distract her but it didn’t work this time. 

“Is it because the archangel hasn’t come back yet?” 

Belaris dropped their hand, pressing their head into Dahlia’s back. 

“Why does he not come?” they groaned. 

“He must be a fool not to!” 

“Fool or not, I wish he’d come.” 

The girl pushed back until they were sitting up again, and her head was in their lap. The action caused them to smile, even when they were feeling down. She sighed as Belaris stroked her hair.

While the company was nice, they grew impatient as the metaphorical hours passed. For most angels time didn’t exist, and it was cruel to know you were running out of something that wasn’t even real. 

No one could understand their frustrations. They could only vent to those who knew their gift, and they’d rather not bore Lucifer or Raphael with philosophy's they couldn’t yet understand.

And they’d rather fall first than pray to Her for sympathy. 

Even so She must have answered their cries regardless because just over the skyline they could see a very familiar figure flying towards the temple. The same that plagued their thoughts eons before they had even met. 

“Maybe not as big a fool as we thought,” Dahlia yawned, pointing to the sky. 

“It would seem so.” 

They tried to keep calm, but it was proving hard as Gabriel got closer and closer to the temple. 

Belaris nudged the other angel up with her lower arms, “Be gone with you now.” 

She laughed as they shook her, but she did as she was told. 

“I must be good luck, he always come when I’m here,” Dahlia said a little too loud for their ego.

“If you won’t humble yourself, then go sleep in Raphael’s garden.” 

Huffing she sprouted her gold wings and took off past Gabriel. 

Meanwhile Belaris wasted no time seizing the other angel as he finally crossed over to their territory. He was just as stupid and awestruck as before, but they weren’t any better. 

“Does Her holiness send you here on another mission?” they joked, but of course it went over his head. 

“No, I came to see you. Is that presumptuous of me?” 

The worry in his violet eyes made them laugh without reserve. 

“Yes! I’m glad you came though,” they said drawing him into the temple. 

“It is? I hadn’t meant to come off that way--” 

“I wouldn’t love you if you didn’t.” 

Gabriel stopped in his tracks at the front arch of the temple not daring to go further. 

“You love me?” he asked with an honesty that made them weak. 

If he was willing to be so open, then it was only fair they were too. A list of responses filled their mind suddenly. Every second of their time was precious so they wanted to say the right thing. 

They could have said something charming like, “Who wouldn’t like you?”, or something sinister like, “I’ve loved you before either of us knew what love was.”, or anything than what they actually said.. 

“Of course… all angels love each other--” 

“--that’s not what I asked,” Gabriel interrupted.

They weren't sure whether they should feel grateful or offended. Then again either were the least of their problems. He was staring them down now, as if they should be intimidated. Maybe most other angels would be.

It was a good try.

But Belaris couldn’t take him seriously. 

Even so there was no reason to laugh in his face and make him feel bad, even if it was doubtful he’d understand the feeling. He had given them another chance to be honest, and this time they’d tell him the truth. Well part of the truth anyway. 

Before they could consider their actions and change their mind, they turned back towards him. Cautiously they invaded his space, taking one of his hands in theirs. Nothing spectacular happened on the outside, but Belaris could feel the connection between them. 

Curious of the outcome, they put his hand on their chest, and a soft light encompassed them. It was more than enough to shock them both, but instead of pulling away Gabriel grabbed another one of their hands as if to keep Belaris from leaving. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but they spoke first. 

“You can feel this?” 

Gabriel could only nod, eyes still on their glowing hands. 

“Then you must know?” 

His eyes shot back up to theirs, something akin to frustration passing over his expression. 

“I’ve known how I felt since I first saw you, at the Beginning,” he sounded so sure of himself. 

So sure it frightened them. If they could just forget what they knew, and live in ignorance.... 

This was all meant to be, their ‘gift’ an ineffable burden to themselves and anyone who got too close. 

“So have I--” 

“--Then say it.” 

But they couldn’t. Admitting something so freely when they knew what was to come. Gabriel would feel betrayed, lied to, was his anguish worth a few precious moments until everything came crashing down? 

Belaris found themselves caring less as they stared at their fingers intertwined. 

They figured they deserved some relief if the future they knew was true. These moments might be the only ones they get. 

No. There was no ‘might’ about it, this was it. These were the only moments they’d have together, and Lucifer did tell them they should be more present. 

“Well say something,” he pleaded. 

That wouldn’t be enough. Belaris instead used their arms to pull him down to their level before crashing their mouths together in a rough fierceness that could barely be described as a kiss. There was nothing sweet or gentle about the action, it more so resembled someone needy, clinging, grasping to reality. 

Gabriel didn’t seem to mind, or want anything gentle for the matter. If it was any indicator by the way he pulled them closer and tore at their hair, he was more than suited for this type of behavior. 

When they broke apart Belaris felt like a drowning man with no air, and could only wonder if he felt the same way. They had no idea how strong the pull between them was until now, the visions of this meeting weren’t detailed enough to describe it to this extent. 

“You wouldn’t be able to handle it,  _ understand it _ ,” they choked, arms pulled tightly around his neck.

They must look demented, they defintely sounded it, but Gabriel only waited for them to say more. When nothing came he just kissed them again, and this time it was softer, more percize, better than the first time. 

So much so when they finally collapsed on the tiles of the temple, Gabriel came crashing down with them. They wanted to laugh, but there was no time to think when he started moving his mouth down their neck. Their scattered eyes continuously fluttering at the sensation. 

Once he stopped they pulled him forward, resting his head on their chest so they could collect themselves. They let out a breath that came out shaky and disturbed as they ran their fingers through his hair. He seemed just as bothered, but stayed put other than to grasp on the lower arms as if he needed something to ground himself

“Explain it to me.” 

Belaris sighed, “It would horrify you, Gabriel.” 

He sat up all too suddenly, and they were face to face with determined eyes glowing violet. 

“I want to know.” 

“You wouldn’t believe me.” 

“I will.” 

They stroked the side of his face, hoping to form it to memory. A real memory, not something vague that hadn’t happened yet. 

In that moment they realized it was unfair to play the martyr if they really claimed to love him as much as they did. 

  
  
  


“If you must know… 

I’ve loved you long before your existence.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  



	3. Concepts and Compromises

Gabriel had spent way too long at the temple that second visit. He wouldn’t have cared as much, if Belaris had described the concept of time to him. Now it filled half his thoughts, the other space taken up by the culprit of his agony. 

Agony, pain, sorrow. 

He didn’t understand these ideas either, but they had tried to explain it to him. The more they talked the more he realized how far behind he was in comparison. The concepts of reality were altered for different angels. 

Were archangels and cherubim just too off balance? 

That couldn’t be right, or else God wouldn’t have made them soulmates. That thought was still something he was having a hard time accepting. 

While he wanted to be close with Belaris he had never expected something like this would happen. Gabriel had figured if Belaris liked him enough they would spend more time together at the temple, his mind hadn’t gone farther than that. 

Apparently Belaris had thought about this a lot longer than he had. 

_ “If you must know… I’ve love you long before your existence.”  _

At first he had thought it was just the flowery way that some angels spoke in, but after actually speaking with them had he realized they were serious. To Gabriel his life had felt like a current up until this point. There were branches of moments, and memories, but that was where his mind stopped. 

He never thought there was a concept or a name for such a thing. 

Then Belaris told him about the first day the archangels were brought into Heaven just before the final tier angels. That’s when he realized that there was something before him, and his Beginning was not the same as others. 

When he thought about it the idea seemed obvious, but it was never something he had to think about. 

“So then how much ‘time’ had passed since your Beginning until mine?” he had asked them, “Can you even measure something like that?” 

Belaris knew the answer, he could tell that much. It was whether or not they would tell him in a way he would understand. 

“I’m not sure, but it felt like far too long. I-- Well not that I’d know.”

He hadn’t commented on it then, it seemed private somehow, but he knew Belaris must have known exactly how much time had passed. He could see it on their face, something different, sorrow maybe. 

They told him he had felt sorrow before, on his first visit. Gabriel wasn’t sure what that meant exactly, until they brought up the moment. Belaris had been playing the harp, and he cried. Tears were normal as far as he knew, but they told him there was a difference between tears of joy and the ones he cried at the temple. 

Gabriel had never cried before that, so he couldn’t tell the difference. 

  
  


\-----

  
  


It wasn’t common for angels to find their soulmates late. Most of them were born together, or could feel the bond between each other so vividly that it didn’t take them long to seek each other out. 

Gabriel found it odd that neither he nor Belaris had met until now. Even then it took them until their second meeting to connect. 

At first he blamed it on his own demeanor. He was never keen on making close connections with other angels. His main companion was Micheal and they had three other angels that caught their interest so he didn’t have to worry about providing more than he wanted in their friendship. 

Of course he knew who Belaris was, everyone did, all of the cherubim were renowned in Heaven. Gabriel was just an archangel though, not even a virtue. There was no reason for Belaris to recognize him in the midst of around twenty million angels. 

Except they did.

The only thing he couldn’t figure out was why they didn’t tell him sooner? Why did they wait for him to come to their temple? Was it a nicety he didn’t understand among higher ranked angels? There was something he was missing.

To be fair many things went over his head. Micheal was constantly poking fun of his serious demeanor, as if it was something to amuse them. Belaris didn’t mind he was serious, but perhaps talking to Micheal about this could help in the long run. 

He had finished his duties for the time being, so he took off towards the golden arena to see if they were there. Micheal liked to spar with a few of the other angels when they were done with their work. Sometimes he would join them, but lately he had been caught up at the temple. 

When he found them they were in the midst of a bout with Hasdiel, both trying to get the upper hand on each other. Unfortunately when Micheal caught their eye Hasdiel used the opportunity to tackle them to the ground. 

At the sight, two other angels watching nearby erupted with giggles. 

“Not fair Hasdiel!” Micheal groaned from their pinned position, “Let me up, Gabriel’s here.” 

The other angel laughed, but relented, helping them up to their feet. 

“Alright, who’s next?” Hasdiel called to the others. 

Before Micheal had crossed the threshold another fight began. They rolled their eyes at Gabriel, dusting off their shoulders though nothing was there. Leading them into the stands, the disgruntled angel collapsed onto the nearest bench they could find. 

“The look on your face tells me you did not come here to spar,” Micheal said, stretching their limbs, “So what’s the deal?” 

Gabriel wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. Micheal wasn’t even aware anything was going on between him and Belaris. The only thing they did know was that he had an admiration for them, but as far as they knew it was one sided. 

Would they even believe that someone as striking as Belaris would want to be with a simple archangel? All of Micheal’s cohorts were final tier angels, ranked just below the two of them. 

“You’re overthinking things again, Gabriel. If this has anything to do with the rumors I’ve been hearing then--” 

“--Rumors?” 

Was it really angelic behavior to gossip about such personal matters? 

Micheal rolled their eyes, “Dahlia told me you’ve been to the temple twice since she’s visited Belaris. So…. have you come into their favor somehow?” 

Somehow? Gabriel sometimes wondered how an archangel could be so rude. Then again they could just be jealous, because of Belaris’s rank compared to his.

“It’s more than that--” 

“--Please,” they waved him off in true Micheal fashion. 

“I’m serious.” 

“When aren’t you.” 

This was getting him nowhere. If Gabriel wanted any advice, he’d have to come out with it. It wasn’t like there was anything to hide, he just hadn’t brought it up with anyone else. 

It was really no else’s business. 

He looked down, unable to meet their eyes, “We’re soulmates.” 

“You’re what--” Micheal almost fell off their seat. 

“I know… I thought I didn’t have one.” 

Gabriel prepared himself for the next slight, knowing Micheal probably found this to be some kind of joke. When none came he looked back over to the archangel to see they were smiling at him. A genuine smile, not like the ones that cut when they were sparing or debating. 

Gabriel found himself smiling back, and for once didn’t feel foolish being so open. 

“That’s amazing!” 

He had to look away again, “I still have a hard time believing it myself.” 

“Well then what’s the hold up? You seem to have everything going your way if a Cherubim is infatuated with you. Especially Belaris… I’ve heard only Lucifer rivals their beauty.” 

“That’s just it… there must be a disconnect because of our ranks… I mean we have different abilities, points of view I guess, I’m just--” 

“-- overthinking!” Micheal finished, close to shaking him. 

Gabriel gave him a look, “No I’m not. It just feels like… like they already know everything about me. It can be...unsettling.” 

They other angel pushed his shoulder, disapproving. It was obvious Micheal didn’t agree with him. They probably thought he was taking his partnership for granted, but it was just the opposite.

Gabriel worried he’d never be able to catch up to Belaris’s level. 

“It sounds like it must come with the soulmate territory,” Micheal speculated, “I mean it would make sense right, if Belaris knew things you didn’t. You said it yourself, they have a different perspective, maybe they just had to look at you and they… you know . _.knew.” _

“Perhaps….” 

They made a good point. If that was the case then it would make sense that Belaris hadn’t approached him in the past. He would almost go along with it if it hadn’t been for what they said last time he was at the temple. 

_ “If you must know…. I’ve loved you long before your existence.”  _

Time. Agony. Pain. Sorrow…. 

There was no way he could explain such concepts when he barely understood them himself. Micheal was under the impression that this was a fluke, but it was clear Belaris knew more than they let on. 

Why hadn’t they approached him at his Beginning. They said they had waited a long time for his arrival, so why did they continue to do so. If God hadn’t given him that mission would they have never met? 

No. That first day Belaris had expected him, even though the Lord had said nothing of his arrival. 

Micheal nudged his shoulder, “Just talk to them, they’re supposed to be your other half.” 

“Is that how it works?” 

  
  
  


\-----

  
  


Surprisingly Belaris was not at their temple when he came to see them later. They were known to survey Heaven, but most of the time you could find them at their post. 

  
  


Gabriel felt a little disappointed, but it wasn’t as if they made plans. He was meant to carry out some smaller tasks with Uriel after he left the arena, but nothing was said of Belaris since the first mission. 

For some reason he thought God might congratulate them or something. That seemed a little pius now that he had a chance to think on it. 

Taking their place at the guard was the infamous cherubim, God’s morning star, Lucifer. It was common knowledge that Belaris and the angel were close, but it felt off putting to see someone so highly ranked doing a favor, even if it was for another cherubim. 

Before Gabriel could fly off in search of his other half, Lucifer had spotted him. The harp strings of the epitome he was playing took a sharp halt causing the other angel to flinch. 

“You must be the archangel!” 

He said with it such a fondness,even Gabriel could understand why the other angels were draw to him. He had always favored Belaris, but there was a certain charismatic nature about him that sucked you in. 

Gabriel dipped in a short bow, “Please don’t let me interrupt you.” 

He had planned to take off after that, but Lucifer waved him over in a way he couldn’t simply reject. His structured nature wouldn’t let him. 

The shinning cherubim patted the space next to him, opting to lean on a pillar of the temple. Gabriel hadn’t expected someone so high standing to act so casual. Even so he was relieved at his hospitable nature, many would let their rank get to their head. 

Lucifer started the harp up again when he joined him on the cold tiled floor. The sound was beautiful, but Gabriel would be more inclined to think so if Belaris was playing it. 

“Nonsense, Belaris will be back soon, and I wanted to meet you anyways.” 

Gabriel blinked, “You did?” 

“Of course!” Lucifer laughed, “They’ve always spoken so highly of you.” 

“I wasn’t aware they told anyone, least of all you, about well---I guess you’re on a similar level with them.” 

The angel stared at him amused, “We tell each other everything.” 

“E-everything?” 

“Belaris knows many things… things I surely can’t grasp yet… things God Herself doesn’t know She has planned. Sometimes I find myself at a loss, so I can’t imagine you have an easy go of it.” 

That was news to Gabriel. If Belaris could understand things even Lucifer had no knowledge of, then they must be something truly special. He doubted the comment of God’s intentions, for it must have only been an exaggeration to accentuate Belaris’s perception. 

It was still impressive, and most certainly intimidating. 

“I don’t tell you these things to scare you,” Lucifer paused in his playing, “I just… It must be a terrible burden to carry alone, to know things no angel can even comprehend. Can you imagine something so.. Lonely?” 

Terrible… Burden… Lonely? 

Gabriel felt like he shouldn’t understand the concepts, but for some reason when put into the perspective of Belaris, he did. While he couldn’t define them properly, he could understand how such elements could lead to one outcome… sorrow. 

“Recently I’ve realized I had the luxury of ignorance even among my own peers. I don’t take it for granted, but I wish I could understand a fraction of what they do.” 

The other angel sighed, “Ignorance… I wonder if that’s why they didn’t approach you at your existence. Even God had questioned they’re resolve you know.” 

Was it possible for cherubim to read minds? That was the very issue plaguing his mind, but Lucifer made the answer sound so simple. 

“You’re saying they wanted me to live in a Heaven without concepts of time or unpleasantness?” Gabriel asked.

“It seems like that times up,” Lucifer plucked a string to emphasize his point, “Like I said, it’s a terrible burden, I can only hope your time together now will make up for things to come.”

Things to come? 

Gabriel was about to ask him to elaborate, but the sudden appearance of six wings flying overhead caught his attention. He soon forgot about anything he wanted to ask, instead fixated on the streams of colors that seemed to change in the clouds as they flew down from the sky. 

He stood up to greet Belaris to which hundreds of jeweled eyes were blown open. It was starting to become a common occurrence, one he never wanted to get used to. 

Their higher hands had already pulled him down to their level before he could even say their name. They kissed him deeply, despite the company, fingertips grazing his hair with intent to pull him closer. 

He broke the kiss before they could, feeling more than self conscious about doing something like this in the presence of Lucifer no less. Belaris didn’t seem to share his concern, but respected the distance regardless. 

They turned to Lucifer, and that’s when he noticed the change to their appearance, or rather the addition. On closer inspection he saw they were meticulously covered in flowers of all different sorts. Reaching into his own hair he found a few flowers placed as well, probably while he was distracted. 

“Just got back from the garden I see,” Lucifer commented, as if they didn’t display such an act of intimacy in front of him, “Hopefully there’s a garden left anyway.” 

“Oh you must go Lucifer, I’ve never seen so many flowers in bloom at once!” 

Gabriel suddenly realized how much he had already missed their voice. There was no other sound in Heaven like it. 

“Well that’s saying something then,” the other angel laughed, “I think I’ve seen all the garden I need to right here.” 

At his gesture, they observed themselves, twisting the bouquet in their lower hands. 

“Dahlia did get a little carried away, but Raphael told her to take as much as she wanted,” Belaris explained, “I just wasn’t expecting her to put them all on me... and anyways these aren’t for you! You have to get your own now that I’m back to guard.” 

“I figured as much, though I doubt you’ll be doing much guarding,” he murmured, glancing at Gabriel. 

The two gave each other a blank stare that Gabriel could make anything out of. They didn’t seem upset with each other, but there was a distinct lack of something in their eyes. 

Belaris stuck out a hand, expectantly. 

“Give me the harp.” 

Lucifer mirrored the action. 

“Give me the flowers. 

Neither seemed to be backing down, even though the requests seemed small. Their expressionless faces hadn’t changed either, both at a standstill. 

Surprisingly Lucifer was the one to break first, smiling as he handed the harp back over.

“Fine then! Give them to your beloved, I suppose I have to do something with my day once I leave here,” he sighed exasperated, but his tone was good natured. 

Belaris smiled too, but it was smaller and more refined. They took two white bushels from their bundle of flowers and put one behind each of his ears. The finished look was more than stunning, even in Gabriel’s opinion. 

Lucifer seemed content by the action as well, taking off soon after placing a kiss to their forehead. 

His voice could be heard from overhead as he flew higher into the sky. 

“Don’t get too comfortable, I’m coming back for the harp!” 

  
  
  
  
  



	4. The Spectrum Arrives

The Fall. 

It would be the first big event to happen in Heaven. The first time all twenty million angels would feel pain and loss. Even if one didn’t fall they could feel the void. Belaris knew this to be true because the anguish would start long before they fell. 

In fact they would be one of the last to fall. 

Belaris wanted to spend as much time as this version of themselves as possible. They wanted to spend as much time with this version of Gabriel as well. After the Fall everything would be different. 

After the Fall, he wouldn’t remember them. Not like this, how they were in Heaven. 

That sometimes made Belaris question everything about what they ‘knew’ but it was never enough to keep things from changing. Their existence wasn’t even half over but they knew nothing about what they’ve seen would change. 

The future would come to be. It was ineffable. 

Once the baby is born it would be finished. That’s what Belaris had always assumed anyways. After Lucifer’s child, the antichrist, is born everything goes black. That’s as far as they can see through time. 

They had no idea what would happen after that, but they had always figured that was when they would cease to exist. Maybe that meant hell would lose the war, or perhaps that was as far as God could see. If that was the case then God had no idea how things would inevitably end. 

Hopefully both sides would lose and they’d all die. 

Regardless of the outcome, the Fall would light the match. Once ten million angels fell ‘Belaris’ would be gone forever. 

They often wondered which would hurt the most, the boiling sulfur or the look on Gabriel’s face when he watched them descend. At their Beginning they had assumed the sulfur, now they knew the loss would be what truly killed their spirits. 

\----

  
  


Belaris had meant to savor their time with the archangel Gabriel, but it turned into a blissful blur as soon as they let themselves accept the fact that this would be their only moment of happiness. True happiness. 

Everything after would mean nothing. Lucifer could never know they felt this way, and at first they didn’t. The fall had been an exciting discovery for both of them, but now Belaris knew nothing could excite them like the moments they shared with their other half. 

That’s why when a spectrum of colors filled the sky outside their temple, Belaris had a complete breakdown.

It was God’s newest creation. A current of light that filled Heaven with unnamable colors and feelings. It was to nurture an angels spirit or rather brainwash them. 

If the colors had filled the sky that meant the Fall would come shortly after. God had only done this because Her angels had started asking questions. Too many questions for Her comfort. They were all meant to be unknowing soldiers, a slave to Her word. 

Belaris’s visions didn’t warn them of the devastation they would feel at the sight. Nor did they warn them that they’d be with Gabriel when the spectrum finally arrived. 

He had been trying and failing at the harp in a consistent loop when the clouds rolled in fast over their heads. Belaris had just wanted to watch him, but the song he started to play disturbed them more than it should have. 

It sounded familiar and at first they weren’t sure why. 

“Please don’t make that face,” Gabriel had rolled his eyes, “I’m not that bad at it am I?” 

They didn’t realize they were making a face, or that those jarring notes upset them so much. There was something they couldn’t shake so they asked him to play it again and again. 

It was only when they saw those first flashes of color behind Gabriel’s head that they felt all of the air leave their body. 

Gasping, unable to register what they were seeing, they grabbed onto the archangel with a fierceness that shook them both. At first Gabriel thought they were just in awe of this newest creation, but he soon realized it was not awe but a fear in their eyes that he couldn’t understand. 

When the lights and colors finally passed over the temple, Belaris closed all of their eyes, and shielded their face into Gabriel’s neck. 

“Do you not find this newest work beautiful?” he asked them, as they clutched restlessly at his sides, “Are you not at peace?” 

The knobs on their back holding in their six wings seemed to vibrate at the question, as if God Herself was trying to pull them out. 

Their translucent skin seemed to shift in an unnatural way that only made Gabriel grow more concerned. A few moments went by with nothing said until Belaris turned their head up towards his. 

“T-take me inside…. I  _ cannot  _ bear it,” they hissed, their eyes still closed. 

Gabriel had never seen them like this, or any angel for that matter in such a state. He didn’t know what to make of it, but he did as they asked and carried them inside the temple, shutting the arch’s gate behind him. 

The new light couldn’t reach them inside, but Belaris’s eyes remained closed.

He sat them on the ground next to a marble fountain, pulling them into his lap. They were shaking now, their physical form losing and gaining substance as if they were about to disappear. 

Gabriel had never been more scared in his existence. 

He expanded his wings to cover them both, to which Belaris finally opened their eyes. They looked hazy, almost rimmed in yellow, not blinking. Even for a cherubim it was unsettling. 

  
  


“I heard of this creation earlier today,” he started, “I didn’t say anything about it because I thought it would be a nice surprise. When I saw it at the arena the clouds reminded me of your wings… I thought you would like it.

If I had known you’d be so ….” 

Turning them around to face him, he tried to look into their eyes, but they wouldn’t meet his. Even the red eyes were closed, bumps blending into translucent skin. They looked defeated, but he couldn’t place why. 

Everything had been fine, until it wasn’t. 

“Please tell me, tell me why you’re so … so  _ hurt  _ by this.” 

Their pupils dilated at the word. 

“I just…. I thought we had more time.” 

Gabriel blinked, “More time? I thought it wasn’t--” 

“I never told you that word,” they interrupted, sitting up straighter to straddle him. 

The motion made him forget there was anything different in the sky. It didn’t seem to matter. 

“Hurt. You aren’t supposed to know that. Not yet. That word specifically is one I’ve left out. I didn’t think the idea would mean anything to you, but somehow you can know it. Define it, to me, to yourself.” 

“I didn’t mean to offend you further--” he tried to surrender, but it was no use.

They grabbed his neck hard, so hard he felt like he was suffocating. It was as if they were trying to show him an example. 

“You don’t offend me, _ you astound me.”  _

All of their eyes were open now. The beads of red seemed to multiply throughout their whole body. He could feel the bumps open up on their hands and thighs. The sensation left him feeling helpless and terrified, but he couldn’t pull away. 

He didn’t want to. 

“I wonder what else you’ll figure out on your own. Now that things are changing will you be able to keep up?” 

The question confused him, “Changing? Like the sky?” 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe even though they had dropped their hands from his neck to his shoulders. Their sharp nails dug into the skin, but he didn’t flinch away. More hands caressed his sides, contrasting the more aggressive prodding. 

_ “Will you remember me, Gabriel?”  _

That voice. It wasn’t the one he was used to hearing. The sound raised bumps all over his body causing parts to spasm. He could feel his energy depleting at a rapid pace as if Belaris was taking something important out of him.

_ “Will you remember anything once it’s all over?” _

He was too overwhelmed to respond, terrified he’d say the wrong thing and invoke an unimaginable wrath. If Belaris could instill so much fear and passion, he wasn’t sure he’d ever want to see the glory of their God. 

Even She might not compare to this terror. 

When Gabriel didn’t say anything, their eyes seemed to plead with him. Whatever sorrow they were feeling, he felt it just as strong. He couldn’t stand the sadness rising inside him, not able to understand such a raw feeling. 

_ “Will you think of me as I’ve always thought of you?”  _

He gasped, grabbing the knobs on their back that seemed to bleed in his hands. 

“How could I forget you?” he finally choked out. 

That seemed to be enough. Any words he had planned, died in the back of his throat as Belaris silenced him in a kiss. It reminded him of the first one they shared. 

Desperate. Forceful. 

Paralyzing. 

Painful. 

_ “It’s not your fault,” _ Belaris said once they broke apart.

He could feel himself shutting down, his mind barely grasping their words. 

_ “It’s Her fault.”  _

Everything went black before he could respond. 

  
  
  



	5. Awaited and Awakened

Angels didn’t need to sleep. Some did on occasion, but it was more of an intimate activity. Since until recently Gabriel had been a loner he had never slept. He wasn’t sure he would know how if he tried. 

So the sensation of blacking out and coming to was not something he was used to. When he woke up he couldn’t register his surroundings right away. He wasn’t even sure where he was at first, but then the memories came back to him all at once. 

Some details were fuzzy, but he knew Belaris had been upset before he passed out. Their true form must have been too much for him to comprehend under such stress. That was expected when dealing with cherubim. Even the thrones had a hard time understanding the cherubim’s nature, even more so concerning the seraphim. 

Belaris was different from the other angels in their ranks. He knew this now after that interaction with Lucifer. The two of them seemed to be on different planes of intellect. Belaris was constantly thinking eons ahead of everyone. 

His stomach turned in anxiety at the realization that Belaris’s reaction to God’s newest creation might have been because they knew of something horrible to come. How could he even begin to help them when he couldn’t even see them for what they were? 

While he wasn’t sure how their mind worked, he had been able to gather that they could see into the future. Why God would curse someone with so much knowledge, he didn’t know. Maybe Belaris was meant to be more than a temple guard. 

Her plan could have been to make them a timekeeper of sorts? Someone to check back with to make sure it was ineffable… but if that was the case then did that mean anything was set in stone if God didn’t even have faith in their future? 

Such thinking would get him into trouble he knew this. Gabriel could understand why She hadn’t given angels the concept of time yet, as the mere thought of it was driving him insane. 

He must have voiced his thoughts aloud at some point, because Belaris was shushing him, putting a hand over his mouth. 

“She isn’t listening, but it’s never safe to say those things out loud my dear.” 

Gabriel wasn’t even sure what he had said. He had yet to open his eyes, but he could feel the rest of his surroundings at last. From what he could tell his head was resting in their lap, their hands caressed his hair in fluid movements. They were still in the same spot inside the temple by the fountain, so hopefully he hadn’t been out for too long. 

“What did I say?” he asked, surprised by the evenness in his own voice.

“Things even I wouldn’t bear repeating….” 

He found himself laughing at the thought, “Now that’s really saying something.” 

Belaris was silent, the only sound between them was the trickling of the fountain. It felt unnatural to be in their presence with nothing said. Normally they would be talking of everything or nothing, but they were always talking, only stopping to sing or sleep. 

“You must be disappointed,” he relented, shifting to a sitting position. 

He expected them to leech back onto his side or something, but they just dropped their arms, not making a move to come any closer. 

“Disappointed?” 

Gabriel finally opened his eyes, only to see that Belaris had gone back into their casual form aside from their wings that were out and translucent. They looked more delicate like this.

More so than the ones with the abundance of feathers. It must be a lingering part of their natural form that they kept up. 

“I fainted at the mere sight of You. I can attest that my true form is not nearly as intimidating.” 

They looked confused, “You will have many chances to disappoint me, but this isn’t one of them. I was being selfish, too absorbed with my own reality…” 

He couldn’t help but feel annoyed at that first comment. What would he put them through? Was there a way to change it? 

“So I am going to wrong you in the future then?” 

“I will deserve it…” they smiled something bitter and rueful, “at least once or twice.” 

He scoffed, “Always so vague, for someone who knows so much you sure love to leave out the important details.” 

“If I knew them I’d tell you, it doesn’t work the way you think it does.” 

That figured as much. 

“I fear I will never be able to keep up with your mind, Belaris.” 

They were always pleased when he called them by name, so he didn’t do it often. It felt like something he shouldn’t overuse. He pretended not to notice the way their wings buzzed at the sound of it. 

“You worry too much about things you can’t control,” they sighed, inching closer towards him, “Even the seraphim don’t comprehend my words as well as you do. Just because you’re overwhelmed doesn’t mean you don’t understand. 

I was overwhelmed when I was born, you know. I didn’t speak for at least a thousand years-- it was… a very long stretch of time.” 

  
  


“You didn’t talk?” he snorted, “I find that hard to believe.” 

A hand smacked him in the face, sharp and quick.

“Hey--” 

“--I’m trying to tell you something important! Don’t laugh at me.” 

Any other time, he’d shut up and listen, but he didn’t feel like taking them seriously. Everything had been too serious, the last thing he wanted to do was start up another attack. 

“I’m not laughing _ at  _ you, and anyways… everything you say is important. You can’t expect me to act so reverent all the time.” 

They rolled their eyes, “Archangels can be such a nuisance. I don’t know what it is about middle ranks--” 

“You’re a middle rank too!” 

“I never said I wasn’t a nuisance as well… in fact I may be the biggest one in Heaven.” 

“You give yourself too much credit… clearly you haven’t met Aziraphale,” he sneered, to which they laughed out loud. 

Clinging back onto his arm, Belaris sighed, but this time it seemed more out of relief than frustration. 

“I have,” they smiled, “I can’t remember, are virtues middle ranked as well?” 

“How do  _ you _ not know-- Yes in the second sphere!” 

Their laugh echoed off the high temple arches, warm and genuine. Gabriel felt at peace again, hopeful that Belaris was feeling better. He wasn’t sure what would happen when they stepped back out into the spectrum, but for now he was at ease that they had calmed down for the time being. 

“You archangels care too much about rankings. It’s not like they actually matter once you get to the third sphere--” 

He used what strength he gained back to flip Belaris into the fountain behind them. Their shrill voice of the four they used, shrieked in delight as the water splashed around them and onto the tile. 

“You may be in the first sphere but you’re still short.” 

Gabriel laughed at the sight of their short hair sticking flat to their scalp. Normally it was poofed out haphazardly, no real care used in managing it, but now it was completely straight.    
  


Belaris’s clear wings vibrated, shaking the water off and onto him. The action was nothing short of vengeful. 

“So touchy….” 

  
  
  


\---------

  
  
  


“It’ll be any day now…” 

Lucifer had joined them in the temple, the spectrum still too fierce to face. Belaris had hoped the feeling would have died down, but it was no use. The abundance of colors brought them a new kind of dread that they didn’t want to live through during their last days in their angelic form. 

God must have known of her gift at this point, why else would She keep Belaris away from the other angels. Sure many had come to visit her since she had started her more reclusive behavior, but it was different somehow. 

Gabriel was concerned, but they told him not to say anything. They even went as far to say it was part of Her plan just to keep him from asking questions. If the archangel fell from Grace with the rest of them, Belaris wouldn’t be able to bear it. 

The war was coming, and the angels would choose sides within the week. The uproars had already started in small sectors, but soon it would engulf all of Heaven. 

“You don’t seem very thrilled?” Lucifer nudged them, “Could it be you planning on changing your mind?” 

Belaris jumped, _ “Changing my mind?”  _

He shrugged as if what he said didn’t turn their whole world upside down. 

“Belaris… I just mean… you’re _ attached.”  _

They felt like screaming into a void, or shoving their head under the fountains water for a hundred years. Attached couldn’t begin to describe the way they felt towards Gabriel, but it would never change the future. 

What was to come, would come no matter how they felt. It was fate and they couldn’t change that. There was a reason Belaris would be the last to fall in the end, but they would still fall nonetheless. 

His face would be the last thing they saw before their face hit the burning sulfur. 

Lucifer reached out to touch their hand but their instincts pulled away. 

“My convictions are stronger than my affections,” Belaris said evenly, “but I will do as I please until the time comes.” 

It wasn’t often that they spoke so plainly to the other cherubim. With the knowledge of their positions after the fall, Belaris would take care in how they treated him. Even so he was not their master yet. 

Every moment they spent with Gabriel was a moment they weren’t overwhelmed with visions of the future. 

They stood up, to which Lucifer followed, his stance straighter than normal. 

“Of course,” he bowed, “I’m sorry for questioning your resolve. It’s not that I don’t trust you, its just that.. You’ve seemed different lately.” 

They blinked, “Different how?” 

“Happy.” 

Belaris didn’t know what to say to that. It was the truth and they’d never lie to him, but there was something about putting it to words that affected them. Lucifer had no idea, really, what he was about to become. 

He couldn’t know the horrors that awaited them. Belaris almost laughed in his face right then and there. To think the devil himself was worried about their happiness. The notion was only one they’d fine humorous… for now. 

“My happiness….” they reached back out to touch his arm, “Will be the least of your concerns once all has come to pass.

I suggest we relax while we can.” 

Lucifer just shook his head, “Relax…. When you can’t even go outside because of Her reckoning? I worry for you, I wish I could understand you, I--” 

“--Well you can’t! I--” Belaris’s voice cracked, “No one can… I know that. And I will go with you, because living in this place is _unbearable_ , but….with him here… just getting to meet him… I want to enjoy it for as long as I can.” 

He just nodded, spreading his wings out to take off, not wanting to draw them further into animosity. It was clear Belaris had conflicting thoughts about the fall after meeting Gabriel. Lucifer had expected as much , even though they assured him they wouldn’t succumb to God’s temptations to stay. 

They watched him fly off towards the gardens, probably on his way to tell Raphael everything that happened. That was fine, Belaris really didn’t care about what anyone thought of them right now. It wouldn’t matter until the crash bang into the rocks and sulfur. 

It wasn’t often that they fought, and their fights were really only intellectual disputes about the supposed future. This argument was different, Belaris was defensive, and Lucifer was defeated in their speech. It was as if he had already resigned himself to lead the fall without them. 

The thought made Belaris heartbroken. 

They didn’t want to choose between the angels, but they always knew in the end that’s what would happen. And no matter what they did they would regret their decision. So since that was the case, they choose the path that gave them more cards, as if that gave them more hope somehow. 

Once the fall happened, God would completely change the ranking on angels and base them off of resolve rather than race. None of the angels left behind would remember their previous positions so there would be no push back. 

Belaris knew if they stayed then God would take everything away from them, but if they left Lucifer would make them second in command. Belaris knew the more power you had the easier it was to reach your goals. 

Gabriel might not be lost from them forever if they had power and a high standing rank. That was one thing that would never change, Gabriel always respected power. It wouldn’t be the same, but he might one day acknowledge them once they were on different sides. 

More so Belaris hoped that with their rank and Gabriel’s amazing perception he might remember them once all was said and done. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. The Fall

It started with screaming. 

Not the normal kind of screaming when a human bleeds like a sheep after having a limb cut off. Not the screaming you hear when someone gets their hands crushed in the rocks. 

It’s even different from the screaming you bear silently when you turn to see your family turned to sand and salt before your eyes and then you do the same. 

When angels scream it’s a hollow tragic sound that’s contagious and damming. Its the sound of someone losing part of their soul, their concept of being, grasping straws as they’re pushed into the bright light of God’s acceptance.

The ones who fall don’t scream until the grief hits them on the rocks. 

It's the ones who can’t bring themselves to leave that shriek unholy as if they were the ones being eaten up by morality and questions that God decides you’re not allowed to ask. 

There was never a rule book for angels like there was for humans. Some that fell didn’t even know why they were falling. Some fell that didn’t even question or dispute. There were half that fell that loved Her with all their hearts and souls and didn’t deserve the fate they were dealt. 

The reasoning for that last one being one simple thing; even ranks. 

God wanted to make sure they were perfectly split, so the casualties were horrendous. If they didn’t hate Her then they sure as Hell hated her now. 

For this reason, Belaris kept Dahlia very close near the end. She was never one to question the Lord but she would be the one to suffer the most physical pain by her trajectory into Hell. She was always such a clumsy angel after all. 

If she was to fall as predicted then Dahlia’s face would be completely melted off, and she would never speak again. Belaris could stand for a lot of things, but this was not one of them. They would not be able to live in Hell without her voice. 

So they decided to change fate for the first time. It was a dangerous concept but it would give them the perfect opportunity to see if it was possible. If they couldn’t have the love of their life they would at least save their best friend so they could suffer through the rest. 

Of course Gabriel noticed the change, but he didn’t seem to mind. If anything he was worried about Belaris since they still hadn’t gone outside since the spectrum hit Heaven. He claimed Dahlia’s constant presence relieved him to know they weren’t alone in the temple. 

Before the drop in mood, Gabriel had been able to tell something dreadful was coming, his perception rivaling Lucifer’s. The other cherubim hadn’t noticed anything different in the air other than the event Belaris had predicted. 

Maybe Gabriel’s perception was impressive, but more likely Lucifer’s vanity was taking affect. 

Even so Belaris would fall with the rest of them. 

\----

  
  


The first to fall was Lucifer as it was said to be. 

He challenged God one last time before She cast him out in a blinding light. The blast sending him down, gold feathers shedding off by the second. 

Belaris hadn’t seen it in person, but they heard him laughing all the way down. 

At this point they were resigned emotionally. Gabriel wasn’t at the temple yet, he wouldn’t come until the last second to watch them fall. 

They wondered how much he’d hate them before his memory was erased. It couldn’t be more than they hated themselves, but then again he’s always been able to match them. 

Dahlia had been clutched in their arms for about an hour now, confused but content. This had been a change from the previous fate, where Dahlia her spent her time splashing in the fountain before falling through the waters and into Hell. 

They still had one hour left until they would fall. Normally when faced with one’s own mortality, or rather ‘big life change’ a person might do their favorite things one last time, maybe have a last meal, anything to end the era. However Bearlis couldn’t move, couldn’t bear to do anything other than wait. 

They had taken their eyes out for the time being, and Dahlia had placed some of Raphale’s flowers in the emptiness. The last thing those two eyes had seen was Gabriel, they hoped if they put them away they’d be able to keep that image as clear as possible. 

It would be the last time they saw him smile, really smile. 

“Maybe if you just used the red ones you’d be able to go outside?” said the angel in their arms. 

The spectrum would still hurt, but they’d oblige her last request. 

“Alright, stay close then.” 

They picked her up, and walked slowly to the temple doors, memorizing the cold tiles beneath their feet. Once they opened the doors the angels could be heard screaming high in agony. The jarring noise didn’t seem to phase the blonde angel though. 

It made sense, she would fall too. 

They sat close together under Belaris’s translucent wings, watching as the angels around them slip through the cracks of oblivion. It was swift, without feeling. 

If God really wanted to be cruel she’d keep the angel’s memories in tact after the fall. They would never know of the true anguish the fallen felt on this day, too high in Heaven. 

It was wishful thinking. 

“Where are they going?” Dahlia asked as they saw Raphael’s garden go up in smoke. 

Belaris wasn’t sure how to respond, “Down.” 

“Down? Well I can see that….” 

They sighed, gripping her harder, “We’ll meet them soon.” 

“Yes I know that as well…” she scoffed looking away. 

There was no reason to hide the truth any longer. 

“Lucifer is making his kingdom right now. We’re staying here until the end--” 

“--to make sure everyone gets there?” the angel interrupted, curious now. 

“Something like that…”

They were silent as the screams grew louder, still no sign of Gabriel. The spectrum was messing with their perception so they couldn’t tell how much longer they had left. 

Dahlia suddenly jerked away, grasping at their upper arms in haste. 

“Gabriel! Where is he? Surely he will come with us!” she exclaimed, almost jumping up to search for him. 

Belaris shook their head, keeping the girl in her place.

“Wha--Why not?” 

They pulled Dahlia closer, hugging her to their chest. It was too hard to face the truth by themselves. 

“He is meant to stay here. He is God’s messenger.” 

The angel pulled against them, as if they wanted to fight Belaris for their words. 

“No he’s an archangel---That’s not his job!” 

Another pair of arms emerged, stilling her movements. 

“It will be, once all this is over,” they explained, “He is not like us.” 

As if right on cue they could finally see his silhouette from beyond the smoke and fog. All six of his wings out, flying in fast, feathers falling in his wake. They could only see through their red eyes, but even in the spectrum it was enough. 

This was it. 

The end of their beginning. 

In total it lasted three months. Not even a dot in Belaris’s lifespan. 

Gabriel hit the tile of the temple hard, slamming against a marble pillar, cracking the archway almost in half. He looked confused, horrified, but worst of all, he looked tired. So tired. 

He met the space where their main eyes used to be, pulling himself off the pillar. 

“What is going on, Belaris?” his voice croaked from the smoke, “Did you know this was going to happen?” 

He reached out to touch them, but they pulled away as if he was made of fire. They were suddenly grateful they took their eyes out so he couldn’t see how horrible it felt to reject him. 

They expected him to try again, not being able to understand how they were connected to this, but he surprised them as usual . 

Gabriel turned away from them, hands covering his face, “Of course you did. You know everything so-- “ 

He turned to face them, careful not too 

come close. 

“--Why?” 

Belaris could smack him. To ask ‘why’ now of all times. Was he trying to get dammed by his precious God? Sometimes they wondered if he was brave or just an absolute idiot. He had never been able to read the room, but that was common among angels. 

This was just reckless. 

_ “Keep your voice down,”  _ their harshest and truest self hissed. 

They could feel Dahlia shuddered in their arms by the sound of it, but Gabriel was unphased. 

He slammed his fist into the second pillar shattering it completely, rubble falling into the void. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, ignoring their words. 

_ “I couldn’t!” _

His laugh was sharp and biting, something Belaris didn’t know he was able to emit. 

“You think you have to carry all of this alone. Why was I even made then?” 

A loud bang in the sky rang through after he asked the question. Before they could stop themselves their upper hands left Dahlia to cover his mouth. 

They could feel the wetness on their face, even though there were no eyes to cry from, the tears still fell. 

The angels around them were screaming so loud no they could barely keep their focus on holding up Dahlia and keeping Gabriel quiet. The strain ripped their frail wings to pieces, but the pain was nothing compared to the fear. 

Their hands finally slipped from his mouth when the angel in their arms started to be pulled down. Belaris thought they were going to fall right then and there, but Gabriel grabbed their wrist before the two went through the void. 

All they could do was gasp, as Lucifer and God stretched them thin. If they didn’t fall now, they’d cease to exist entirely. 

Gabriel’s eyes bored into the holes in their face, his expression unreadable. They expected sadness, they thought he’d be screaming with the rest of them. Instead he held onto their wrist as if their masters weren’t trying to tear them apart, apathetic and disappointed. 

Finally he spoke, but Belaris wished he would have just dropped them. 

  
  


“No one likes a martyr, Belaris.”    
  


He kissed their palm before letting them slide through his fingers completely. 

  
  


Belaris screamed the entire way down. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. A Kingdom Emerges

Hell was hotter than they could have ever imagined. 

Belaris’s throat was raw from screaming when they finally hit the rocks, Dahlia in tow. They had been able to change fate and steer them away from the sulfur, instead slamming into the limestone and boulder. 

The jagged edges of the rocks tore up what was left of their wings. Nothing would remain for a while, but in time they’d grow back. Dahlia had been shielded from most of the terrain, only covered in ash and soot from the fires. 

For a moment all Belaris wanted to do was lay there and scream at the Heavens. Scream at God for making their love be so cruel in their final moments. Then again Belaris wasn’t in love with Gabriel because he was nice. 

Their hand ached from where he had kissed their palm. 

Fallen angels staggered up confused, while the ones who fell early were weeping and screaming as if someone was sawing off their head. Laughing could be heard just over the ledge. No doubt Lucifer was in splendor at his triumphant success. 

Dahlia pulled herself out of their grasp, gasping for air as if she had been suffocating. Perhaps she was. Being stretched between two planes of existence was no easy feat. 

The fallen angel stumbled towards the sound of Lucifer’s laughter, no tears or remorse. Thinking back on it, none of the simpler angels were as wrecked from the fall compared to the more complex beings. 

She must have gotten their new lord’s attention because the laughter was growing closer and closer until they forced themselves to open their eyes. Their red beads still intact for now, opened to reveal Lucifer smiling above them. 

His eyes were blazing red, and his skin seemed to glow amongst the rubble. He was truly in his element. 

_ “Rise Beelzebub!” _

His voice echoed across the burning land bringing attention to the fallen. Belaris could see now they were on the edge of a cliff overlooking the rest of them. 

Lucifer pulled them to their feet, his skin burning against theirs. 

_ “For you are my prince!”  _

  
  


This caused an uproar amongst the complex angels. Most had stopped their screaming to cheer as if this was a proclamation they could hold onto. To Belaris, now Beelzebub it was an empty title. 

They collapsed into his arms like cinder, screaming loud over the cheering. 

It only made them cheer louder. 

Lucifer, the Lord’s Morning Star, now Satan lord of His own realm, projected his ungodly voice into the crowds of ten million fallen. 

  
  


_ “Rejoice my fallen angels for you are demons now! Too long we have been unknowing under the thumb of God. Here we will be our own Gods! _

  
  


_ “Amongst the sulfur and stone we will build our own kingdom.”  _

  
  


\-----

  
  


Not long after the fall, Hell was secured. 

There were to be three other princes named, but none that held the same power as Beelzebub. It was clear the others were jealous, but they’d gladly hand the position over if they could. 

Asmodeus was the second to be crowned, followed by Leviathan, and lastly, Amaymon. 

They were all deserving in their own right, and something to be respected, but Asmodeus had a certain sharpness about him that Beelzebub knew would be trouble in the future. He was a fallen Seraphim, the only one fallen of their kind. 

Apparently that made him special, at least in his eyes.

Satan threw out all the old rankings once a place of conduct was made. He sat on a throne of limestone in a palace of his own. Something far grander than either had resided over in Heaven.

That would the place of council for the time being. There were many things to do and demons to place. Beezlebub was to be his right hand during this process, since they had untold knowledge of everyone's roles.

Sorting out ten million demons was still a grand task, something that would at least take them a thousand years. That is, once years were measured.

Once the chaos of the new rankings died down, Beelzebub made Dahlia, now Dagon their first lieutenant. Many were skeptical of the decision, but once Satan had confirmed the change no one could say anything.

The other princes chose demons who had been highly regarded in Heaven as their first hands, so Dagon, being a simple final tier angel in her past raised a few brows.

Beelzebub thought it defeated the purpose of Hell to give high ranked ‘angels’ high ranked demon positions. The point was to start again. The point was that they weren’t angels anymore.

Then again Satan did appoint the prince roles to high ranked angels post fall. 

They shouldn’t be surprised, Hell was not meant to be a place to flourish. It was a place to mourn. The perfect example of this being Raphael.

He had taken the fall harder than anyone else, including Beelzebub. 

  
  


———

  
  


Memories.

They could be painful and beautiful all in one sweep of the mind. 

So far every demon in Hell had the memories of their lives of Heaven in tact. It was known the remaining angels had theirs wiped by God with no question.

Satan wanted to give the demons a choice in the matter. It far more democratic than anyone expected from their master. 

It was not something Beelzebub had been able to foretell in their visions, even though it seemed like an important matter. They wondered if saving Dagon had changed fate in more ways than they had planned. 

While it seemed there was no correlation between the two, it could have been the cause of some domino effect Beelzebub created. There was no way to know for sure unless something from their visions didn’t match up. 

Regardless they were thankful for the choice. Unsurprisingly most demons chose to forget their angelic selves, the pain being too much to bare. Satan gladly wiped the celestial memories away probably already assuming this would be the outcome. 

Give them the idea of choice, only to exploit their more conforming nature. 

Raphael, still unnamed, had been the first. For days after the fall he screamed in agony, completely torn apart from the fall. Most of the time he was incoherent, and when you could finally understand him he was just begging to forget it all. 

It was clear he had taken the fall the hardest out of everyone. That was saying something when ‘everyone’ included ten million demons. 

By the time Satan had time to oblige him, Rapheal was bleeding from the eyes, hair torn to shreds. His nails had been peeled off, more blood running down his arms. It was clear he was struggling to break into his celestial form, something no longer accessible to any of the fallen. 

Even for a demon he looked truly otherworldly.

Beelzebub blamed themselves for his state. If he hadn’t overheard them at the temple when he was just half way through his angelic life… he might still be there. 

They could see themselves becoming just as demented if they had let themselves grow closer to Gabriel. Even the mark left from his kiss drove them mad, to think Raphael could be holding thousands more. 

He said as much before going into another spasm of bloody tears and gasping. 

_ “Please make me forget--make me forget --I can’t carry this --know this--”  _

Raphael clung to Satan for dear life as if he were his last chance at some kind of peace. Beezlebub had seen nothing like it, a mourning so pure, so terrifying just a memory was enough for such self destruction. 

  
_ “--if i think of him anymore ---” _

  
  


If Rahael state was horrifying, Satan’s was uncomparable. He was cold as steel receiving the demon. Even as he grasped onto him, their Lord gave no comfort. Satan’s disappointment was clear, he had faith in the other demon but this would set him back in the council. 

Before Raphael could say more, Satan pushed him off, the demon falling to the ground not daring to look up once he was down. 

“You’ve made your decision, if you can not live with that then spend your days crawling on the ground searching for your beloved. I have no use for a demon who rejects their nature.” 

Despite his words, their lord granted Rapahel’s wish. He was blind to the truth, as well as his own name. Only to be seen as ‘ the one who crawls’. 

It was then Beelzebub understood the cruel nature in Satan that they couldn’t see in Lucifer. Nothing could shake them more than the moment after Raphael’s demise. Their hands were shaking, eyes finally present, and wide trying to process their lord’s actions. 

Satan turned to them, a knowing look in his eyes. 

  
  


“Is this your wish as well,  _ Belaris _ ?

To forget?” 

The mark on their palm stung at the question.

He was trying to test their resolve, showing them Raphael’s fate would be soon be theirs if they even responded to the name. It made them feel powerless, but they had to rise above it. 

“I will take my given name,” they responded evenly, “If this spectacle is over?” 

Pleased by their response, he nodded, allowing them to leave. 

Beelzebub made a point to present themselves as unfeeling as possible, even going as far as to spit on the unnamed demon as they walked passed his collapsed form. The other demons observing the affair, parted immediately as they came to the end of the throne room. 

It killed them to treat Raphael so cruelly, but it would be beneficial for both of them in the long run to side with their master so blatantly. This way Beelzebub had Satan’s complete trust, but could take Raphael into their council and raise him up. 

  
  


Once the earth was created they would send him away from here. 

Maybe then at least one of them could find some peace. 

  
  
  
  
  



	8. Bittersweet Reunion

Beelzebub knew they would see Gabriel again eventually. It was said to happen in their visions, and nothing had deterred too greatly since Dagon’s rescue from the sulfur so it was sure to continue the way their mind had painted. 

They just didn’t realize how much it would hurt. 

It was just after the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. Angels were killing humans left and right, tearing down their temples and smiting those who got in their way. Forms became salt in the sand and soon the land was just a pile of dust and rubble. 

Beelzebub was sent up to earth to take accounts of the event and report back to Hell. Satan was curious about this fall of man, and they needed the air. 

Adorned in black, the boils on their face miracled away, they could actually pass as one of God’s creations if not for their demonic aura. 

The demolished cities seemed familiar to them, but they had forgotten why. There would be many more cities turned into flame in humanity’s life span. It was hard to keep track of why their visions said this one was more of a personal matter. 

Then it hit them. The only reason why anything on Earth might seem personal to them… Gabriel. 

The angel in question landed next to them in a flurry of sand and wind

Beezlebub fell to their knees, unable to look at him. 

The salt stung their skin, but they didn’t bring themselves to stand. 

“What is one of Satan’s creatures doing here?” he sneered. 

Unable to control themselves, Beelzebub’s eyes filled with tears just from the sound of his voice. It felt familiar yet so foreign. This was not the Gabriel who knew them, worse this was one who had been conditioned to hate them. 

That reality hadn’t hit them until that moment. 

Gabriel _ hated _ them. 

Well he was supposed to anyways. 

Instead of responding to his question they filled their hands with salt, and let it slide down their arms. Smoke rose at the contact of salt to skin, but it did nothing to distract them from their tears that continued to fall freely. 

There was no way Gabriel could beat them in a fight, that was clear by the size of their auras. Beelzebub expected him to say something cruel or just leave them to mourn the harsh truth, but again he surprised them. 

Leaning down to their level he observed the salt burning their skin, as if it could be something to take note of for later. 

“You can’t possibly mourn these beasts?” he finally asked. 

The question shocked them so much they turned towards him, only to be taken aback by his image. He looked just as perfect and clueless as the day he was born. Violet eyes burning with unforgivable naivety, not a hair out of place. 

They turned away from him unable to look any longer, “Oh but I do….” 

Steam flooded their eyes as they pressed the salt into the cheeks. A thousand thoughts rushed into their mind but one stuck out the most. They already knew the answer but they couldn’t help wonder if he remembered any part of them. 

Seeing him right now was so painful it made them consider forgetting their past as well. It would be easier if they didn’t have to live with the memories of happiness they’d never have again.

They stole another look at him. 

No. He was too precious to forget. 

“I’ve never met a demon before, you know,” the archangel admitted, “You’re definitely not what I expected… crying over humans, is it because they’re damned?” 

Beelzebub laughed sharply at the question. It was a ridiculous thing to ask, but very Gabriel. Only he would say something like that given his position. 

When they looked back at him a third time, they caught him staring. He was always so unafraid and unashamed with his emotions. Beelzebub wondered when God would beat that honesty out of him. 

Even though it pained them to see him up close like this they couldn’t look away, especially when he was looking at them so intently. It was as if nothing had changed, they could pretend for a moment anyways. 

They leaned closer into his space, and he surprisingly did not pull away. 

“Can I ask you szzzomething?” 

Gabriel blinked at their buzzing, “I might not answer you.” 

That was good enough for them. They knew chances like these would not come often as the angels and demons grew to resent each other. 

  
  


“If you could forget a time that only brought you pain when you thought of it now, but in the past was your greatest joy ...would you?” 

He stood up, reaching out a hand to help them up as well. The gesture filled them with a warthm not even hellfire could supply. 

Once their skin met, Beelzebub never wanted to let go. The mark on their palm burned against his, and they wondered if he could feel it too. When Gabriel tried to retract his own hand, they just gripped it tighter with both of theirs.

“Well?” 

The archangel sighed, as if in conflict with himself, “I believe… if something makes you feel such extremes… it’s certainly worth remembering.” 

“You think so?” they asked, breathlessly, unconsciously trying to pull him closer. 

“I do….” 

After a moment Gabriel finally pulled out of their grasp, a little shaken. He was probably under the impression Beelzebub was trying to tempt him, which wasn’t entirely untrue. That hadn’t been their intention though, they must have crossed a line somewhere. 

_ “Okay.”  _

The abruptness stopped him, “Okay?” 

  
  


_ “I’ve decided-- _ I won’t forget,” they could feel the tears start to slide down their face so they turned away again, “I promise I’ll remember everything like I always have.” 

“Like you always have? These aren’t sentiments one would think a demon cries over,” Gabriel said, confusion consistent in his voice. 

  
  
  


“It may mean nothing to you, but it means  _ everything _ to me.” 

  
  


The last thing they heard was the rustle of feathers, and then he was gone, along with the warmth he brought with him. 

  
  


They held their palm to their cheek, watching towers crumbling down. Beelzebub considered the ruins to be a kindered spirit. 

  
  
  


“I promise.” 

\-------

  
  
  


They didn’t see each other for a while after the scene at Sodom and Gomorrah. At first Beezlebub was worried Satan would know of their fraternizing, but if he did, he said nothing. 

Instead they were commended by their work with Crawly. Satan had no hopes for the serpent, but the progress with his temptation of first man had been one for the books. Both demons were held in high esteem after that, Crawly being the executor, while Beelzebub orchestrated the idea. 

Asmodeus felt more challenged by them, but it went unnoticed as Satan entrusted more tasks to Beelzebub and their council. They knew the other prince would eventually confront them, but there was an event in particular they wanted to observe before acknowledging him. 

The conception of christ. 

This would be the first time God walked on earth, at least that’s what the other humans wrote in the future. In reality Jesus was more of a project, not exactly God on earth. Even so people and angels alike would interpret this how they wanted to. 

In all honesty Beelzebub could give a fuck about God’s son or whatever he’d end up calling himself. It was Gabriel who would end up becoming an instrumental role in this story, and they wanted to be there for it. 

As far as they knew the archangel held the man in high regard, and was overjoyed at the task of bringing the news of his conception to their beloved virgin Mary. 

Beelzebub just felt bad for the poor girl they were forcing this on. Mary would be no younger than sixteen if they were remembering correctly. People would think she was lying about the immaculate conception whether or not Gabriel was there to speak for her. Humans were inherently human after all. 

Still, even if his endeavors would not turn out as planned, Beelzebub wanted to see how happy he’d be before it all came crashing down. He would surely be jaded after he witnessed the fate that was to befall the lord’s son. 

And as much as Beelzebub wanted to see him happy, a darker, more selfish part of themselves longed to watch him grieve. 

In the end they get what they could. 

Thinking of him crying filled them with a horrible kind of excitement. It was is if it felt justified for him to be in pain for once, after everything he put them through. 

Still it wasn’t Gabriel’s fault. 

It was Hers. 

God only brings destruction to those that appease her. The ones who don’t, destroy themselves trying to find something else to believe in. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
